Friendship and Forgiveness

 

Photo from Wikipedia 

SERMON BY FATHER JONATHAN E MOORE - LINK HERE

23rd Sunday of the Year

Friendship and Forgiveness

“A day without a friend is like a pot without a single drop of honey left inside” said Winnie the Pooh.

He was right too – making and keeping friends is very important for every human person, not least  a follower of Jesus as today’s Gospel reading tells us. It gives sound advice to all of us regarding our friendship, especially with our brothers and sisters in the Church. Christ’s Church exists in a turbulent and often hostile world, full of hatred and violence. The last thing we need is to find our Church itself split apart by its members falling out. Our Lord makes it quite clear at the end of today’s Gospel that He expects Christians to be united in prayer. He promises “Where two or three gather in my name, I shall be there with them”. Imagine the grace-filled impact on our world if every single Christian person was part of that prayer! 

So it is very important that we should hear, understand, and practice the teaching of Jesus in our Mass today.

When we fall out with people, there are three steps to follow, and it is most important to follow them in the right order. This is because Step One is the most important and has the potential to do the most good. Unfortunately, our usual human reaction is either to brood and allow bitterness to poison us, or to rush straight into Step Three, and beyond, making the disagreement public and asking those around us to take sides, causing an escalation to the point where any possible solution depends on one side or the other “backing down” and “losing face”. No, says our Lord, keep things as low-key as possible, don't over-react. We have a proverb about “taking a sledgehammer to break a walnut”, which is a good illustration of what we should try to avoid. Notice also that we are told to speak in person to the one who gives offence, not take refuge in letters, emails or texts, all of which can so easily be misinterpreted and just make the situation  much worse. So, the first step is always to try to settle things on an individual basis. Our motivation, Jesus tells us, is to “win back your brother/sister”. If it works, the community becomes stronger, and everyone else in the community remains unaware of what has taken place. “Blessed are the peacemakers!” - blessed indeed are those noble souls who go about their work of reconciliation so quietly that nobody else even notices them - they do indeed deserve to be called “Children of God”! 

Sadly, the individual approach does not answer in all situations. Step Two calls for the involvement of a limited number of other people. The key word here is “limited” - and especially limited to those whose discretion can be trusted. Once again, the problem should not be broadcast to the world at large. There are times when two heads are better than one, but the point of Step Two is not to go in “Mob-handed”, as they say. The presence of a few others may help the wrong-doer to understand that their actions have an effect on others; it may also help them to feel the love and concern others have for them. It can also at times help us to see the quarrel from another angle - maybe we ourselves are “making a mountain out of a molehill”; there is a wise old rabbinic saying: “Judge not alone, for none may judge alone save One (that is God)” Last, but not least, the prayers with which those “two or three” accompany their words have a great power to heal. 

Step Three, the public exclusion of an individual from the community, should only ever be the very last resort. In the end, the Church is greater than any individual member. The Christian is, however, specifically commanded “Love your enemies”. The fact that a person’s actions and attitude have taken them away from our community does not mean we stop caring about them and praying for them. “Treating them like tax-collectors and sinners” is not so harsh when we remember how Jesus himself treated such people, with love and respect. 

“We pray Thee too for wanderers from Thy fold, O bring them back, good Shepherd of thy Sheep” said a lovely old hymn. The late Pope Francis often reminded us to show God’s compassion and mercy to our world. Far from being an instruction to abandon any person as worthless and beyond redemption, Our Lord challenges us to treat the outcasts and marginalised as He did, forever trying to win back the wanderer, to find a way to speak to their hardened and wounded hearts. 

Saint Paul understood both our human nature and how vital maintaining friendship is for followers of Christ. He often refers to friendship and forgiveness. Here is just one short example from his Letter to the Colossians (3:13). It is often used at weddings, maybe you had it for yours: 

“(God) loves you, and you should be clothed in sincere compassion, in kindness and humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with one another; forgive each other as soon as a quarrel begins. The Lord has forgiven you; now you must do the same.”